A human trait that I find fascinating is our tendency to want to define, name and put things into words. I believe that over time, this has been a way to make sense of the world and create an understanding for how things are connected. But maybe it can also be a way for us to take care of ourselves, especially if we’re talking about ourselves and who we are in relation to others. Are we acquaintances? Are we buddies? Are we friends? Are we in a relationship? And where does one way to relate to each other end and another begin?
From the time we are born, we are given different roles and as we grow in age, our roles grow in number. We are someone's daughter or son, perhaps someone's sibling, someone's grandchild, someone's friend, a pupil or a student and thus also someone's class mate, maybe a member of a team or a participant in some activity. If we are employed, we may also be someone's colleague, boss, or mentor. Maybe we are someone's significant other, someone's parent, cousin, aunt, uncle, or grandparent. Some roles we have for a long time, sometimes our whole life; others last for as long as a specific encounter lasts (for example if we are a customer in a store or a patient going to the doctor).
But one thing that I have noticed is that the way we relate to one another usually does not go without definition, at least not for very long. Oftentimes it’s quite easy to find some kind of common denominator that unites us: maybe we commute to work, ride the same bus, shop in the same store, went to high school together, vote for the same political party, are members of the same social media forums... or maybe we just consider ourselves us (as opposed to them).
Some roles come with a manual but most do not. However, I do think that many roles have unexpressed rules and agreements for how to behave, what is considered okay and what is not. If not sooner, this is usually noticeable when someone starts to look past these rules and come up with their own.
So who am I in all these roles? Am I my profession? Am I my role as a parent? Am I who I am because I am somebody's friend? If I at some point in my life take on and step into a new role, will I then become a new person, or am I the same as I have always been? And who am I if I let go of a role I previously held?
What feels true to me is that we are not our roles but that we have them. For me, people are much more than the roles they have. And maybe the gift of defining who we are in relation to each other is that it can create understanding and a feeling of safety between us. "We know where we stand with each other."
I remember a text conversation I had some years ago with a beautiful person in my life. I got tangled up in my own attempts to articulate my thoughts around different roles we have in our lives. ”To be honest, I believe that the most important role we have is to be a fellow human being”, I finally wrote in my text, and shortly thereafter, I received an answer I will never forget: ”Perhaps that is our only role, but in many different nuances..."
Warmly and gratefully,
Karolina
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